ive come to the realisation that i dont have any friends.
I obviously have people i know from school who if i see out i exchange a few words with, everyone has those. People who you know things about but yet you dont really know them. I guess i see these people alot but im not on phone number terms with them.
My close friends and i have grown further and further apart, ive seen them today for the first time in around 7 months. We used to talk daily over group texts and talk about EVERYTHING but over the last 7 months we really have lost touch. One of them today said “well i hope you have a good christmas”. Is that it? Two hours and thats it for the rest of the year?
Last night i also ended things with B. Im just not in the right to be one half of a couple. Im sad but yet a little relived that the pressure is now off me.
A few months ago i would be glad of this realisation, less people to disappoint with my suicide. Now that i have lost all hope in suicide i just feel alone. Just by myself in this scary world.
I have no one close and no plans, today would be perfect to end it all, shame i have a loving family who would do anything for me.